FOUNDERS DIARY: ENTRY 14.11.24: From Doubt to Drive: My Journey Back to Purpose

As the first week of this new chapter in my life draws to a close, it’s incredible to reflect on just how much can change in a matter of days. It’s been a whirlwind, to say the least. On Monday, 11.11.24, I found myself questioning everything—wondering if I’d made a mistake. The uncertainty hit hard, and I almost felt like turning back. But I knew deep down, this path is the one I need to be on. In that moment of doubt, I received a message from a friend. She shared many kind words, but one line stood out:

“I do believe that at your core, your biggest strength is your ability to advise and help others.”

Despite the reassurance, the seismic waves of uncertainty still rippled through me. So, I did the most sensible thing I could think of—I closed my laptop, grabbed my CCO, Birkin, and headed out for a long walk in the woods. The weather was absolutely miserable: cold, windy, and drizzling. But after days of staring at a screen, that fresh, biting air felt like a reset. The smell of the damp earth, the crunch of leaves underfoot—it brought me back to myself. For the first time in a while, I felt a sense of accomplishment. The anxiety was slowly giving way to a glimmer of excitement and anticipation.

On the way back, I decided to treat myself. I stopped by my local, picked up some snacks for Birkin, and indulged in a cheeky Guinness. A solitary toast to me and my efforts. The walk home felt lighter, and when I got back behind my laptop, I felt a bit less like an imposter and a bit more like Josh.

It’s a strange sensation—sitting in your own home, surrounded by your things, putting your authentic self out there, and still feeling like an imposter. I’ve experienced imposter syndrome before, but it hit differently this time. It lingered, and I worried it might not fade. I realised I needed time to let everything sink in, so I decided to take Tuesday as a ‘reset day’. I cleaned my apartment, changed my bedding, and reclaimed my space. It was a small step towards feeling at home again, both physically and mentally. By evening, I was back at my laptop, ready to cross a few things off my to-do list.

Wednesday arrived, and I felt a noticeable shift. I didn’t need an alarm; I woke up naturally with the sunrise, full of energy and eager to get going. Birkin and I had our first meeting in the city, and I was determined to make it a productive day. The meeting went well, and on the way back, I unexpectedly ran into an old friend, leading to an impromptu catch-up. With even Birkin making strides and pouncing on a new position as the “co-chair pawson” in the People & Leadership group of British Chamber of Commerce! 😉

By the end of the day, I felt a sense of momentum building, and still now. My days are starting to fill up again, not just with tasks but with purpose and lots of furry friends. It feels like I’m working, not just chasing a goal but living it. I’m beginning to feel operational, like I’m truly back in the game, and it’s a feeling I’ve been craving for a long time.

Ciao for now,

Josh